Warning: Spoilers...

You ruined me
You took away my dreams
You did exactly what I wasn't hoping for
You changed the end
Now I'm confused about the means
You made me feel as if my prayers had been ignored

Sometimes lyrics to a song are more accurate than words that tumble out of my own mouth. So my dream job is no longer an option and in the next few days I will sign on for at least one more year as a Bible teacher and Dean of Students. Whether I feel like it the right thing to do or not, I know that I am in submission to God. Webster defines submission as a legal agreement, and while I think that's accurate, it misses some of the picture. In my struggle to submit to God, I made a legal agreement in reference to the little matter of sin in my life and he released me from the eternal consequences of that "little matter." There is a piece to submission that I utterly hate - trust. True submission to God requires trust that he is making the right decisions and that he is doing what is best. God doesn't give explicit directions, like MapQuest. I like MapQuest because it tells me how long it will take me to get to my destination (and I know that I can almost always shave 5 to 30 minutes off that estimate depending on the length of the trip and my astonishing driving skills.) God doesn't really even give a specific destination other than "holiness" and "worthy heirs" of our inheritance. Sounds good but not really anything I can take a shortcut to. I wish that God would let me win. When I see something that I think is perfect for me and we get into an argument, we always do what he wants to do. I feel like it's all about him and not me. It must be nice not having to choose your battles when you know you will always come out the winner.
So, in a nutshell, I am nursing my wounds and working on thanking God for losing... again. Ross King, one of my favorite musicians says in the afore quoted song, "Where would we be now, if you had let me win? Hallelujah, I lose again."