Two roads diverged in a wood... er... suburb of Detroit and I -- I took, well, neither. I sat down and waited. Up to that point, I thought I was right behind that still small voice. Unfortunately, the clarity I felt earlier is washed away like the ocean laps at my sorry excuse for a sand castle (it's really more of a sand single wide).
What am I talking about? At the moment, I have to decide what to do in the near future. I am a teacher and administrator at a great Christian school with fantastic students and great teachers. However, when contracts came around this year I declined. The plan was for Sherri to work and for me to finish off my M.Div. See, I am not a Christian school teacher. I am a pastor. It's not just what I do, it's who I am. So after our plan did not go accordingly, I heard about my dream job in my dream place. There were all kinds of circumstantial connections and I felt good about it. At the moment, I know nothing. I don't know where they are in the process nor do I know if I am still in that process. This opportunity, however, is something worth risking for.
Back to why I am sitting at the divergent roads. My boss said that he will give me a few more days to make a final, final decision. I can do the job and I love those I minister to but it is not my passion. At some point in the last month, I realized that other than this "all dreams fulfilled" ministry position, I had nothing to fall back on... except what I believed to be God's firm leading. So, here I sit at the intersection of decision wondering if I was feeling God's leading or if I just consumed undercooked meat.
Sometimes faith is mistaken for stupidity and stupidity is mistaken for faith. I am sure that countless sons and fathers have the same conversation over and over again. The good news for me is that God works in both faith and stupidity. I really hope, however, that I am on the faith side -- or at least where the lines blur.
And by the way, for those interested in the saga of Josh and the potty, we had a good day and I was only peed on once because Tex was shootin' a little high. More updates to come.
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5 comments:
shouldn't you leave the "member naming" for josh's future wife?
you know, sometimes when you are presented with a fork in the road, a third option is to just go straight... sure, you might take down a few things, but I've found that you generally wind up OK.
I remember a similiar conversation we had behind the environmental studies building at Taylor. I was trying to decide whether to go overseas with a mission trip or work at Spring Hill... with either fork, you are serving God in a tangable way.
You're right... you can go straight. However, the last time I was with you and you went straight (not a reference to sexuality) we emerged with a dent in the four wheeler and one less tree in the forest.
my hubbers is wise. listen to him.
he hates it when i call him hubbers.
i just think it is funny.
I've had some intense conversations with God in the past few years about "passion". My argument with God is that if I have to be here, Mishawaka, IN, then he needs to give me a passion for something here. God's response to me during an extremely difficult and life-altering time was that HE should be my passion, not what I do. I should make knowing him as intimately as possible my passion. Needless to say, I'm trying, but I still have many days when I am flat out ripped off that I am stil here in Mishawaka and don't care about serving him in a particular way here (fyi - I want to be a missionary!) but I am loving Jesus in a more involved way than I was before, which I think was his plan all along. By the way, I'm jacked up on cold medicine, so this may not be the most clearly posted thought ever!
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