The Return of the Prodigal Son

This is one of my favorite paintings. I also love the book by Henri Nowen. Of course, they both exist because of Jesus' parable in the gospel of Luke. I love the passion of the Father for his lost son, I love the struggle towards maturity of the rebel son, and I love the lessons about life that this story teaches us. However, if I could change one part of this story, it would be the element of the older son, the good one, the one who obeys and honors his father. It's unfortunate that he gets overshadowed by the snotty young rebel. It's frustrating that there is not more focus on his remarkable character. It's just simply wrong that he gets shafted for doing what's expected. He even tries to defend himself and set things right in his Father's house only to be lectured and shafted yet again. Honestly, he's kind of a loser. He whines because he is not treated the way he thinks he deserves. He has an aire that he is better than his brother, even to the point that he tells his Father how to parent. He, in all reality, has a pretty good life, but all he can do is look at what he doesn't have and in turn demeans whatever good is happening around him because of where he is.

What am I rambling on about? Well, ever since I read Nowen's book, The Return of the Prodigal Son (about 8 years ago), I have struggled with the realization that I am very much like the older brother. That reality has never been more obvious than it is currently in my life. I recently have been struggling with the way I perceive my Heavenly Father is treating me. Almost to a tee, I have felt the feelings that the older son likely experienced. I can think of a thousand reasons why it is my right to feel this way, but it boils down to this, I am more in love with what I want to do than with whom I am doing it for. Let me explain... no, too much, let me sum up. I want to be a pastor - it's what I feel and many around me feel I was created for. Seeing that I am not makes me miserable and not much fun to live with because I feel shafted. I am getting old and in my limited view, I am going nowhere fast. My response is to be angry with God while at the same time obediently following him wherever he leads. Angry obedience - obedience with an attitude, an attitude that says, "Look at how faithful I am even when you are a jerk. See how good I am? See what great sacrifices I am making? You should notice me." That may be obedience in the letter of the law, but not the spirit. I am more passionate about "being a pastor" than being with Jesus. I HATE THE OLDER BROTHER! I wish he'd just get out of my mirror.

There is really no resolution with the older son in the story. The Father invites him in to celebrate and join authentic community and then walks away leaving the older son to make the decision. What does he decide? I hope he went in. But I'm not sure that he did. It is easier to stay outside because if he goes in, he admits that everyone else was right and that there is purpose and meaning in his life. It means that he has been the jerk. Over the last few weeks, I have had lots of encouragement and significant conversations with friends. There has been a resounding theme to the content. The theme is that they are happy that I am where I am because of what God has done and is doing through me. In my favorite words of Jack Bauer, "Dammit." Not expressed in a bad way, but in a giving in and letting go way. In the same way that the older son would have entered the house and joined the festivities with a sigh of relief that he can stop trying so hard to be right.

I have been willing to stay outside in hopes of getting what I want rather than going inside to simply be with the One whom this is all about. It's time for me to go inside.