Hot Pockets

I don't know if you have ever heard of Jim Gaffigan, but he is a ridiculously funny comedian from Indiana. If you haven't, this overheard conversation may not be that funny, but if you have then read on.

I broke out in a poison ivy rash yesterday and today I went to Walgreen’s to buy the most expensive over the counter remedy ever created. As I was in line to check out, I witnessed the following conversation between the 50 something buck-toothed cashier and the middle aged woman...

WG: Would you like to buy some of these M&M's?
W: No. But I would like a pack of Virginia Slims.
WG: You know, you might as well get the M&M's too. They're both bad for ya.
W: No thanks.
WG: (after ringing the total and receiving her cash) Now, on this here receipt, there's a coupon good for a dollar off on your next Virginia Slims purchase.
W: Great. That'll save me money.
WG: Yeah, but you gotta remember to bring it with you. I can't even imagine the number of times I've come in to get some Hot Pockets and forgot my coupon.

Hmmm... that reminds me... I don't think I've had a Hot Pocket lately. Perhaps I'll go out and get one.

Warning: Spoilers...

You ruined me
You took away my dreams
You did exactly what I wasn't hoping for
You changed the end
Now I'm confused about the means
You made me feel as if my prayers had been ignored

Sometimes lyrics to a song are more accurate than words that tumble out of my own mouth. So my dream job is no longer an option and in the next few days I will sign on for at least one more year as a Bible teacher and Dean of Students. Whether I feel like it the right thing to do or not, I know that I am in submission to God. Webster defines submission as a legal agreement, and while I think that's accurate, it misses some of the picture. In my struggle to submit to God, I made a legal agreement in reference to the little matter of sin in my life and he released me from the eternal consequences of that "little matter." There is a piece to submission that I utterly hate - trust. True submission to God requires trust that he is making the right decisions and that he is doing what is best. God doesn't give explicit directions, like MapQuest. I like MapQuest because it tells me how long it will take me to get to my destination (and I know that I can almost always shave 5 to 30 minutes off that estimate depending on the length of the trip and my astonishing driving skills.) God doesn't really even give a specific destination other than "holiness" and "worthy heirs" of our inheritance. Sounds good but not really anything I can take a shortcut to. I wish that God would let me win. When I see something that I think is perfect for me and we get into an argument, we always do what he wants to do. I feel like it's all about him and not me. It must be nice not having to choose your battles when you know you will always come out the winner.
So, in a nutshell, I am nursing my wounds and working on thanking God for losing... again. Ross King, one of my favorite musicians says in the afore quoted song, "Where would we be now, if you had let me win? Hallelujah, I lose again."

Current Mood: Drifter

I don't know where I'm going
But I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
But here I go again
Here I go again

Tho' I keep searching for an answer I never seem to find what I'm looking for,
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

I'm just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days
Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
An' here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again

An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again

Nothing like an 80's power ballad to breathe new life into an old soul. Thank you David Coverdale. Hope to see you at the South Dakota State Fair.

My True Self!

Good news! I have learned the identity of my true self today. It is a little awkward to have lived my life for 34 years not knowing who I am and all of a sudden -- blammo! Here I am. Thank goodness for the internet, and for that matter, Al Gore. Anyway, I got this from a friend and it was a little different from the typical personality tests I've taken. Interesting, fairly accurate, interactive (if you scroll over it), and lots of bright colors (for those of us who are sprinters when it comes to attention). The one thing that I don't like about this is that anyone who looks at my brightly colored results will know the true me as well and at that, only moments after I have gotten acquainted with myself.

Free-Wheeling Leader

Oh and by the way, as of 4:00 on Monday, we have had an accident free day. No Mr. PeePee in Josh's big boy underwear (which also looks like the underwear given to post-pregnant women in the hospital). Just thought you'd want to know.

Happy Father's Day

Today I woke up to 3 beautiful children beckoning me to come downstairs to eat breakfast. As Hannah scurried out of the room, her parting words were, "Daddy, be sure to look everywhere." I went into the bathroom to find a message on the mirror, Happy Father's Day and an art project of a hot fudge sundae. I went down to breakfast and opened three cards and was greeted by "Top 10 Reasons We Have The Best Daddy." I have great kids whom I love very much. But more than my kids, I have an amazing wife. All of this is sweet, but exists only because of the love of Sherri. For me, Father's Day is a day to realize not just a new tie, but to contemplate and be amazed by the one who fills my life and will never move out to go to college.

I Am Nothing

No further info on the job front. Lots of discussion on what we should do and what it means to trust God. I think that sometimes from my limited perspective, God does not behave in a way that elicits trust. He does things and leads in ways that would discourage the most committed to question. There have been times that I wondered if impeachment was an option. Then I am reminded of the question God asked Job (and by no means am I comparing myself to Job), "Where were you when I...." Job responds by saying that (I'm paraphrasing) God is big, I am small. We had dinner with Sherri's sister and brother-in-law on Friday. They told us that the other day, my niece (Grace, 3 years old) had the following conversation with grandma...

Grandma: Who's the boss?
Grace: Mommy and Daddy.
Grandma: Well, if they are the boss, what are you?
Grace: I am nothing.

How brilliant is it that God uses stuff like that to bring perspective.

The Place Where Dreams Come True

Sherri and I are in a bit of a funk today. Struggling with what it means to walk in faith, we are experiencing what James says happens to the waves when the wind picks up -- they get tossed back and forth.

So, we decided to load up the family and go to where "dreams come true." That fantastic four letter word -- IKEA! You read correctly, IKEA, the Scandinavian vonderpark. Ve drove into the new facility in Canton and stopped by an attendant who said to us, "You have little ones? Park here in the family friendly front row section." I guess having a minivan does pay off because our little ones aren't so little. As ve valked into the building, a man gave us a map and directed us to the children's play area to check our kids in for free (only Hannah and Allison were allowed in because one must be potty-trained to qualify). Ve got vone of those lighted buzzer things you get at Outback Steakhouse in the event they needed us before our 45 minutes vere up. Ve tossed the lighted buzzer thing in someone else's cart because there vas no vay ve vere coming back early. Ve enjoyed our jaunt throughout the two-story vonderland and found lots of things ve didn't need but really vanted. You can outfit an entire room for $718 (you provide your own TV and residents). There vas a Mork & Mindy type mini-chair that had a fabric cocoon type thing that Josh loved and in the event that our house is destroyed, he vould have his own personal escape pod. They even have a restaurant that serves $1.99 kids meals and 50 cent hot dogs (Herb, you vould be in heaven.). So, ve ended the evening vith the total purchase price of $4 for non-fat frozen yogurt cones. Ve left and declined to get our hands stamped for re-entry and as ve vere valking to the van, Allison asked if we could come back tomorrow. Sherri and I responded vith, "Oh yes Allison, we will be back." Anyvone for hot dogs?

Two Roads and One Faith Part 1

Two roads diverged in a wood... er... suburb of Detroit and I -- I took, well, neither. I sat down and waited. Up to that point, I thought I was right behind that still small voice. Unfortunately, the clarity I felt earlier is washed away like the ocean laps at my sorry excuse for a sand castle (it's really more of a sand single wide).

What am I talking about? At the moment, I have to decide what to do in the near future. I am a teacher and administrator at a great Christian school with fantastic students and great teachers. However, when contracts came around this year I declined. The plan was for Sherri to work and for me to finish off my M.Div. See, I am not a Christian school teacher. I am a pastor. It's not just what I do, it's who I am. So after our plan did not go accordingly, I heard about my dream job in my dream place. There were all kinds of circumstantial connections and I felt good about it. At the moment, I know nothing. I don't know where they are in the process nor do I know if I am still in that process. This opportunity, however, is something worth risking for.

Back to why I am sitting at the divergent roads. My boss said that he will give me a few more days to make a final, final decision. I can do the job and I love those I minister to but it is not my passion. At some point in the last month, I realized that other than this "all dreams fulfilled" ministry position, I had nothing to fall back on... except what I believed to be God's firm leading. So, here I sit at the intersection of decision wondering if I was feeling God's leading or if I just consumed undercooked meat.

Sometimes faith is mistaken for stupidity and stupidity is mistaken for faith. I am sure that countless sons and fathers have the same conversation over and over again. The good news for me is that God works in both faith and stupidity. I really hope, however, that I am on the faith side -- or at least where the lines blur.

And by the way, for those interested in the saga of Josh and the potty, we had a good day and I was only peed on once because Tex was shootin' a little high. More updates to come.

Things of note today. . .

Today is Saturday. It is the first day that I don't have "stuff" to do for the next week. Graduation was Friday and my busy week as "all things to all people" is over. So now I shall reflect on my day. I filled the mini-van up with gas - $51.26. Gas prices have hit me with kind of a time lag. I used to fill up the Suburban for $50.00. We went to Uno's for dinner. Sherri took Josh to the restroom and I was left with the girls. Hannah (who is 5) says to me quite loudly and in a playful tone, "Daddy, you're sexy." The young couple without kids next to us looked at me. Not really knowing what else to say, I responded with, "We're not really your traditional family." They turned away. I suggested to Hannah that the phrase she used should remain in the context of mommies and daddies. I bought the latest Bright Eyes CD today. As I was listening to At the Bottom of Everything, and not really having the spiritual gift of lyrical discernment, I thought I heard Conor Oberst say, "Set fire to the preacher who is promising us health." I was so excited that Mr. Oberst was that theologically sensitive to put the prosperity gospel in its place. Of course, then I realized that he actually said, "promising us hell." Oops. So much for the spiritual awakening but the music is still pretty sweet. And finally, we have been having issues with Josh (2) staying in bed at bedtime. Tonight he got out of bed and began playing with his sisters so I replaced him in bed and gave him a little swat on the back of his thigh. He leaned back, looked at me, and laughed. I didn't realize I was so entertaining. So, that's my life at the moment. Shock, laughter, awkward moments, pseudo epiphanies, and inadequacy. Under girding all of this is the difficult to explain, shaky feeling that God has a timeline for us and I am oddly ok with that.

To whom shall I go?

So I decided to start blogging. I figure I have been reading other peoples blogs, so why not begin one of my own. I thought I'd explain the name first and then move on from there. Here's me... I am a follower of Christ. I love him with all my heart and have journeyed with him for the greater part of my life. One thing that frustrates me is when Christians follow religion blindly and miss the person behind that religion. It's like following a lime green Volkswagen bug initially because your friend is driving it. You're following your friend, not the lime green bug. But what if your friend got out and someone else got in and drove away? What would you do? Follow the bug? I think alot of people are following the bug, not their friend. I have never gotten to the point of questioning if Jesus is real or is who he says he is. And it's not because I haven't struggled with the question. I have concluded that he is the reason life sticks together. The thing is, I am always fighting him. I get angry, frustrated, irritated, I even dislike him at times and say something to the effect, "I'll follow you, but I don't have to like you." . When I am in that place, sometimes with angry tears, I yell at him, "To whom shall I go?" It's from John 6:68 where Peter responds to Jesus question. Jesus asks if they want to leave him just like the crowd. Peter simply responds by saying, "To whom shall we go?" Brilliant. Not, "I'm not sure if you are the Christ," but essentially, there are no other legitimate options. Not really the easy answer but it does get the point across. Jesus is the only legitimate answer. So, here I am. It's a start.