I have posted, in my former blogging life, about my frustration with God and the life I am currently living. Last week, I came to put a face on the winter, spring, summer, and fall of my discontent. Through one of those somewhat "difficult" conversation last week, my wise friend helped me move a little closer to understanding why I am the way that I am. When I went away to college, I thrived and loved the excitement and risk of not knowing everyone and the challenge of doing something away from where I grew up. At the end of the 4 years, the absolute worst thing that could ever happen would be to move back in with my parents. Now, I love my parents but the idea of living in my father's house after tasting the excitement of being away was not even an option. So, I got married and after a year moved a thousand miles away and loved it. For me, living in the metro Detroit area in the same context that I grew up in is like moving back home after being away. That's what I can't get around. It's not the people, not the job, not anything but the feeling that I am not the "man" of the house. I hope this doesn't come off as arrogant, because I know it sounds questionable. I don't mean it that way. It's more of a desire to see if I really am what I think I can be and being here doesn't help that. I know this is really self-centered and maybe even a little bit of self-pity, but I feel like I finally have a face to my frustration. I am the Bizarro Abraham. In Genesis 12, God calls Abram to leave his father's house and go to a far away land where he doesn't know anyone. I wonder if that was hard for Abram? Maybe? If God called me to leave my father's house, I would be out the door. However, God isn't a God of predictable formulas. He has, in his infinite wisdom (or at times his unfortunate misstep - at least that how it feels) called me back to my father's house. Here's the thing, God will never settle for what I want over what He has purposed. How does this change my attitude and impact my discontent? Honestly, I don't know. I know how it should, but "should" and the reality of my behavior and actions often don't coincide. So I guess I begin with choosing not to settle for what I want either and start putting up with what God has purposed and eventually get to the point of desperately and passionately with all of my being wanting what He gives me.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Bizarro Abraham
I have posted, in my former blogging life, about my frustration with God and the life I am currently living. Last week, I came to put a face on the winter, spring, summer, and fall of my discontent. Through one of those somewhat "difficult" conversation last week, my wise friend helped me move a little closer to understanding why I am the way that I am. When I went away to college, I thrived and loved the excitement and risk of not knowing everyone and the challenge of doing something away from where I grew up. At the end of the 4 years, the absolute worst thing that could ever happen would be to move back in with my parents. Now, I love my parents but the idea of living in my father's house after tasting the excitement of being away was not even an option. So, I got married and after a year moved a thousand miles away and loved it. For me, living in the metro Detroit area in the same context that I grew up in is like moving back home after being away. That's what I can't get around. It's not the people, not the job, not anything but the feeling that I am not the "man" of the house. I hope this doesn't come off as arrogant, because I know it sounds questionable. I don't mean it that way. It's more of a desire to see if I really am what I think I can be and being here doesn't help that. I know this is really self-centered and maybe even a little bit of self-pity, but I feel like I finally have a face to my frustration. I am the Bizarro Abraham. In Genesis 12, God calls Abram to leave his father's house and go to a far away land where he doesn't know anyone. I wonder if that was hard for Abram? Maybe? If God called me to leave my father's house, I would be out the door. However, God isn't a God of predictable formulas. He has, in his infinite wisdom (or at times his unfortunate misstep - at least that how it feels) called me back to my father's house. Here's the thing, God will never settle for what I want over what He has purposed. How does this change my attitude and impact my discontent? Honestly, I don't know. I know how it should, but "should" and the reality of my behavior and actions often don't coincide. So I guess I begin with choosing not to settle for what I want either and start putting up with what God has purposed and eventually get to the point of desperately and passionately with all of my being wanting what He gives me.
Friday, August 29, 2008
George Michael... One More Try
"Maybe just one more try..." After a long silence, I think that I am going to take another shot at blogging. I have been going off on a staggering amount of things lately and I'm not sure if people are interested. The beauty of blogging is that a.) not many people read my blog and b.) not many people feel the need to comment. I can talk, talk, talk, talk and no one has to feign interest because you chose to read it. So, beginning tomorrow, I will start blogging again... until then, who wouldn't want a George Michael ringtone?
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